Why God Slept on Sunday?
A Cosmic Facepalm
by a slightly confused immigrant with a Canadian passport and an American son who just asked if butter chicken (band) is “too spicy.”
On the seventh day, God didn’t rest because He was tired. Please yaar. This is God we’re talking about—not some uncle recovering from a wedding buffet. He slept because, frankly, humanity had done such a mind-boggling job of messing things up, even He needed a break. Not a nap. A full system shutdown. Like when your laptop freezes, and you just close the lid and pray.
At first, it was simple. “Let there be light,” God said—and light happened. No committees. No zoning bylaws. No PowerPoint presentations. Just light. But then came the humans, who promptly said, “Wait wait wait—how do we know light is real? Maybe it’s just a conspiracy by Big Bulb to sell solar panels.”
And me, sitting in Nova Scotia, watching snow in April, can only think: Maybe they’re right. Maybe the sun is fake and we’re in Season 13 of some divine simulation.
Climate change? Don’t even get me started. God gave us monsoons, seasons, crops, snow—Canada even got syrup trees. And what did we do? We dug, drilled, fracked, and said, “Hmm… feels warm. Must be summer in February. Sweet, let’s BBQ.” In India, we're boiling. In Canada, we're snowing. And in the U.S., they’re still arguing whether climate change is real—while rebuilding the same town for the fifth time after a wildfire.
Someone even told me, “It’s not global warming, bro—it’s just climate vibes.” Vibes! Even God doesn’t have a comeback for that.
And diversity? God made every shade of humanity—melanin to match every climate. But instead of saying thank you, we invented racism. Brilliant. In India, we do it with caste and skin creams. In America, we’ve made it into a political power video game. And in Canada? Oh, we’re polite about it. Very inclusive in our language. Just don’t ask who’s getting hired, who owns what, or who’s carding whom at Canadian Tire.
My son once asked, “Dad, are we BIPOC or IBPOC or just brown?”
And I said, “Beta, we are whatever gets us funding. Now smile nicely for the community engagement survey.”
Supremacy? Rebranded. In the U.S., it first came with diversity training and a DEI consultant. “See, we hired a Black intern. Racism solved!” But then, we turned colour blind. Problem solved. It is now all about merit. In India, the upper caste is still running the show, just with more WhatsApp education, WiFi and yoga mats. And in Canada? We’re fighting hate with “dialogue circles” and “equity charters” .
Even God got confused: “Wait… you’re telling Me you added a Chief Diversity Officer to fix 500 years of colonialism?”
We said, “Yes.”
God said, “I’m going to sleep now.”
The Gaza conflict? Don’t even. You’d think something that old would deserve serious thought, compassion, maybe a few UN resolutions that people actually follow. But no. TikTok has taken over foreign policy. Influencers are doing explainer reels with emojis while children under rubble trend for 12 hours. The architectural plans for a French American Reverie are getting drafted, problem will be solved soon.
God looked down, saw one side cheering war, the other selling merch, and said: “I should’ve stopped at dinosaurs.”
Law and order? God gave us commandments. Simple stuff. Don’t murder. Don’t lie. Honour your parents. What did we do? We turned them into loopholes. “Thou shalt not kill—unless it’s Tuesday and the Wi-Fi is slow.”
Now, everyone’s a lawyer on social media. Everyone has “receipts.” Everyone’s filing lawsuits like it’s cricket season.
Jobs? Wages? Here’s a Canadian solution: no one gets paid but we all have “exposure.” My cousin in Mississauga did three unpaid internships and now teaches AI how to fire him more efficiently. Meanwhile in the U.S., they just cancel the whole job: “We replaced you with a chatbot. But don’t worry—it identifies as brown.”
And real estate? Don’t joke. God made land sacred. Humans made it speculative. My house in Nova Scotia went up 300K in value just because someone mentioned a Starbucks might be coming. In India, it’s worse—your ancestral land is now a tech park. In the U.S., they tried to buy Greenland. Why? For vibes and rare earth minerals. Greenland said no. God said, “Of course they said no. It is Green land that is White!”
And the global economy? Spinning like a rickshaw with square wheels. But the brightest idea the world’s superpower could muster? Tariffs. The masterstroke no economist on earth can quite figure out—but hey, that’s why it is absolutely unique, from Mars.
And that’s when God slept.
Not because creation was hard, but because humanity turned Earth into a group project where half the group is arguing on WhatsApp, the other half ghosted, and the only guy doing the work just rage-quit and moved to Mars.
God didn’t just sleep.
He turned off location tracking.
Muted the Earth.
And blocked us on all divine channels.
So if you’re wondering why nothing makes sense anymore—why the weather is upside-down, politics is a circus, and your smart fridge is trying to unionize—just remember:
God’s still asleep.
And frankly, can you really blame Him?
Anuj this is one of your best posts. Enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!!!